The Expectation Trap: Is It Keeping You Overweight, Stressed, and Stuck?
Why Your Brain Clings to the Wrong Goals—And How to Set Yourself Free
Have you ever felt like you’re doing everything right—eating healthier, exercising, trying to manage stress—but still not seeing the results you expect? You put in the effort, but the scale doesn’t budge. You try to think positively, but stress still sneaks in. You make a plan, but life keeps throwing curveballs.
It’s frustrating. It’s exhausting. And if you’re like most people I work with, it can make you feel like giving up altogether.
But what if I told you that the biggest barrier to your success isn’t your body—it’s your expectations?
How Expectations Can Keep You Stuck
Expectations are subtle but powerful. They sneak into our thoughts, shaping how we believe things should go.
“I’ve been eating healthy for weeks—I should have lost more weight by now.”
“I’m trying to manage stress better, but I still feel overwhelmed—why isn’t this working?”
“I followed the plan, but life got in the way—what’s wrong with me?”
These kinds of thoughts don’t just cause frustration—they actually reinforce a sense of lack in your mind. They tell your brain, "Something is missing. I am not enough. My life is not enough. My progress is not enough."
And the problem with this mindset? It keeps you focused on what’s missing rather than what’s working.
Neuroscientists have shown that our brains operate with a built-in negativity bias—a tendency to focus more on what’s going wrong than what’s going right. This might have been useful for survival in ancient times, but today? It just keeps us feeling frustrated, stuck, and like we’re never doing enough.
The Expectation Trap: How It Keeps You in a Cycle of Frustration
Once we start expecting specific outcomes, we create a mental attachment to them. We believe that our success and happiness depend on things going exactly as we planned.
But when life doesn’t cooperate—when the weight loss isn’t fast enough, the stress doesn’t disappear overnight, or we hit a setback—we feel like we’ve failed. So what do we do?
We try to control everything even more.
We overanalyze every meal, every workout, every choice.
We obsess over numbers—on the scale, on our fitness tracker, in our calorie counter.
We punish ourselves for not being perfect.
And before we know it, the stress of chasing the outcome becomes the very thing that prevents us from reaching it.
Breaking Free: Shifting from Expectation to Trust
The key isn’t to stop working toward your goals—it’s to stop attaching your happiness and self-worth to how fast or how perfectly you reach them.
When we operate from a place of trust instead of expectation, everything shifts. Instead of thinking, “This should be happening faster,” we can reframe our mindset to:
“I am building habits that will serve me for a lifetime, not just a quick fix.”
“I am focusing on progress, not perfection.”
“I am showing up for myself, and that is enough.”
This shift is not about giving up on goals—it’s about breaking the cycle of self-judgment that keeps you stuck. And guess what? Science supports this approach.
A study in the journal Obesity found that people who focused on consistency rather than fast results were far more likely to maintain long-term weight loss. Another study from Harvard Medical School found that self-compassion—rather than harsh self-criticism—was linked to more motivation, resilience, and long-term success in behavior change.
When we let go of rigid expectations and embrace the process, we create a mindset that supports real, lasting change.
The Practice: Letting Go of Expectations and Leaning into Trust
So how do we put this into action? Here are three ways to start shifting your mindset today:
1. Notice Where Expectations Sneak In
Throughout the day, pay attention to moments when you feel frustrated, impatient, or discouraged. Ask yourself:
"What was I expecting in this moment?"
Often, you’ll realize that the frustration comes not from what’s actually happening, but from your expectation that things should be different.
2. Reframe Your Inner Dialogue
When you catch yourself thinking, “I should be further along by now” or “This isn’t working fast enough,” try shifting your language:
❌ “I should have lost more weight by now.” → ✅ “I’m making changes that will serve me for life.”
❌ “I failed because I didn’t follow my plan perfectly.” → ✅ “I’m learning how to be flexible and still move forward.”
Your brain listens to what you tell it. Speak to yourself the way you would encourage a close friend.
3. Set Intentions Instead of Expectations
Instead of saying, “I expect to lose 10 pounds this month” (which puts pressure on an outcome you can’t completely control), try:
“I intend to nourish my body with foods that make me feel good.”
“I intend to move my body in a way that energizes me.”
“I intend to be patient with myself as I build new habits.”
Intentions allow you to focus on actions, while expectations keep you fixated on outcomes. And actions are what truly create transformation.
The Bottom Line: Your Success Isn’t About Control—It’s About Trust
Letting go of expectations doesn’t mean letting go of your goals. It means shifting from a mindset of scarcity (“I’m not there yet”) to a mindset of abundance (“I’m already on my way”).
The irony? The more you let go of rigid expectations, the more progress you’ll actually make—because you’ll stop wasting energy on self-judgment and start focusing on what really moves the needle: consistency, self-compassion, and trust in the process.
So the next time you find yourself thinking, “This should be happening faster,” take a deep breath.
You are already on the path. And that is enough.