When Habits Turn Into Cats

When Children Turn Into Cats

by Adair Lara

Have you ever realized that children are like dogs?
Loyal and affectionate,

…but teenagers are like cats.

It’s so easy to be a dog owner.
You feed it, train it, boss it around—
and yet it still puts its head on your knee
and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting,
then bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.

Then around age 13,
your adoring little puppy
turns into a cat.

When you tell it to come inside,
it looks amazed,
as if wondering who died and made you emperor.

Instead of dogging your every step,
it disappears.
You won’t see it again until it gets hungry.

Then it pauses—
mid-sprint through the kitchen—
long enough to turn its nose up
at whatever you’re serving.

When you reach out to ruffle its head,
in that old affectionate gesture,
it twists away from you,
then gives you a blank stare—
as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.

You, not realizing the dog is now a cat,
think something must be desperately wrong.

It seems so antisocial,
so distant.
It won’t go on family outings.

Since you’re the one who raised it,
taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command,
you assume you did something wrong.

Flooded with guilt and fear,
you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.

Only now you’re dealing with a cat.
So everything that worked before
now produces the opposite of the desired result.

Call it, and it runs away.
Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter.

The more you go toward it, with open arms,
the more it moves away.

Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner,
you should learn to behave like a cat owner.

Put a dish of food near the door,
and let it come to you.

Sit still,
and it will come—
seeking that warm, comforting lap
it has not entirely forgotten.

Be there to open the door for it.

And just remember…

One day your grown-up child
will walk into the kitchen,
give you a big kiss, and say,
“You’ve been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you.”

Then you’ll realize…
your cat is now a dog again.

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What to Do When the Habits That Once Loved You… Don’t Come When Called

I’ve shared Adair Lara’s poem “When Children Turn Into Cats” with countless parents—especially those in the thick of raising teenagers. You know the moment: when your warm, affectionate child—once eager to cuddle, chat, and follow you everywhere—suddenly becomes a distant, moody blur, darting through the kitchen, ignoring your calls, and acting like they barely know you.

It’s jarring. Confusing. Heart-wrenching.

And yet—completely normal.

Recently, I had a thought: this isn’t just a poem about parenting. It’s a perfect metaphor for habits.

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The Puppy Habit Phase

New habits start like puppies. They’re eager to please. They come when called. You feel in control.

Whether it’s walking every morning, drinking more water, or meditating at night—it feels doable, even joyful.

The cues are clear.
The routines are automatic.
The rewards come quickly.

But then…

The habit stops working.
You’re no longer motivated.
You try harder—and it resists more.

It didn’t die. It didn’t fail.
It just grew into a cat.

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You’re Not Raising a Puppy Anymore

This is the shift most people miss.

They think, “What happened to me? I used to be so disciplined.”
But really, your habit simply matured.

And like cats, grown-up habits don’t respond to control.
They respond to environment.
To timing.
To invitation, not pressure.

So if you want your habit back, you have to stop yelling "come!"
Instead, think like a cat owner.

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Use the Habit Loop Like Catnip

Habits run on loops:
Cue → Routine → Reward.

When your habit was a puppy, the reward came instantly—feeling proud, energized, accomplished.

Now, you may need to be more strategic:

• Cue: Light a candle before journaling. Put your sneakers by the door at night. Create a visual signal that says “Hey, it’s time.”

• Routine: Keep it ridiculously small. Five minutes. One sentence. One stretch.

• Reward: Celebrate like it’s day one. Literally say, “Yes! I did it.” Your brain needs to feel that tiny dopamine hit.

Cats love consistency.
They come back when the environment feels calm, warm, and safe.
So build your habit loop like a cozy window seat in the sun.

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Think Like the Cat

• Don’t say, “I should work out.”
  Say, “What kind of movement would feel good today?”

• Don’t say, “I have to meditate.”
  Say, “I wonder what stillness wants to teach me right now.”

• Don’t punish yourself for being inconsistent.
  Offer a treat. A soft voice. A space to return to.

Cats don’t come to pressure.
They come to presence.

So design your habit for the cat—not the dog.
Don’t just wait for it to come back—create a world it wants to return to.

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Your Habit Is Still There

It’s hiding behind the couch, peeking out, waiting for the right conditions.

And if you shift your approach—
If you stop chasing and start listening—
It will come back.

Not because you forced it.
But because you evolved.

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Final Thought

Stop expecting your habits to stay puppies.

Some of them are growing into cats.
And that’s a good thing.

You’re not broken.
You’re just being invited to grow into the kind of person who can care for a wiser, wilder, more intuitive version of change.

You are always one healing habit away.
And sometimes… one purring cat away too.

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Your habits aren’t gone — they’re just hiding, waiting for the right invitation.

Inside The Habit Healers Mindset’s Inner Circle, we build those cozy sunlit spaces for your habits to return to. No pressure, no chasing — just a steady rhythm of guidance, warmth, and gentle nudges to keep you moving forward.

Let’s create a home your habits love to come back to.

Join The Inner Circle Today.

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