If Your Life Feels Unstable, This Is Why

The Parable of Two Builders

Once upon a time, in a quiet village by the sea, two builders set out to construct their homes.

The first builder, Elias, was in a hurry. He found a flat patch of sand near the shore and, without much thought, began to build. His house went up quickly, and soon, he was living comfortably.

The second builder, Daniel, was more methodical. He spent weeks preparing the land, digging deep into the earth until he found solid rock. Only then did he begin laying his foundation, brick by brick. It was slow, painstaking work, but he was determined to build something that would last.

Months passed, and the seasons changed. One evening, a powerful storm rolled in from the sea. The wind howled, and the waves crashed violently against the shore.

Elias, watching from his window, saw the first signs of trouble—his walls swayed, his roof creaked, and soon, his house began to crumble. The sand beneath it shifted and washed away, leaving nothing for his home to stand on. By morning, all that remained were scattered remnants.

Meanwhile, Daniel’s house stood firm. The winds battered it, the rain pounded against its walls, but the rock beneath held steady. When the storm passed, his home remained untouched.

The villagers gathered and murmured about the difference. Some called it luck, but Daniel smiled and shook his head. “It was never about the house,” he said. “It was about the foundation.”

The Meaning of the Parable

Like these two builders, we construct our lives through our habits. But habits are only as strong as the identity they are built upon. If our self-perception is weak—like sand, constantly shifting—our habits will not hold under pressure.

However, if we take the time to root our identity in something solid—like Daniel did with his foundation—our habits will stand firm, even in the storms of life.

Identity: The Bedrock of Habit Formation

The most overlooked aspect of building powerful, lasting habits is not discipline or willpower—it is identity.

Who you believe yourself to be determines the habits you create and maintain.

Consider these two perspectives:

• “I’m just not a morning person.”

• “I am the kind of person who wakes up early and starts the day with purpose.”

One identity leads to a struggle every morning. The other creates a habit that feels natural. The first person may try setting alarms and forcing themselves awake, but if their identity is still “not a morning person,” their efforts will feel like a battle. The second person, however, will make decisions that align with who they already believe they are.

Your habits are not just about what you do; they emerge from who you believe yourself to be.

A Shaky Foundation: The Dangers of a Poor Self-Image

If deep down, you believe you are unworthy, you will unconsciously build habits that reinforce that belief. You might:

• Procrastinate on self-care because you don’t see yourself as valuable enough to prioritize.

• Avoid pursuing big goals because you doubt your ability to succeed.

• Sabotage relationships because you fear you don’t deserve love.

Even if you attempt to build "good" habits, they will be shaky if your identity contradicts them. You might eat healthy for a while, but if you still see yourself as “the kind of person who never sticks to anything,” you will eventually revert.

But when you shift your self-perception, everything changes. Instead of trying to force habits, you naturally become the person who does those things.

Rebuilding the Ground Beneath You: How to Shift Your Identity

If your foundation is weak, it must be rebuilt. This starts not with external actions, but with how you see yourself. Here’s how to shift your identity to support the habits you want to build:

1. Declare Who You Are

Affirmations work best when they are rooted in identity. Instead of saying, “I should exercise more,” declare, “I am someone who takes care of my body.” Repeat it daily. Over time, your mind will begin to accept this as truth, and your habits will follow.

2. Act As If

Behavior shapes belief. Even before you fully believe it, start acting like the person you want to become. Want to be a writer? Write every day, even if it’s just a sentence. Want to be healthy? Move your body, even if it’s just a walk around the block. Your brain will begin to align with these actions.

3. Audit Your Self-Talk

Listen to how you speak about yourself. Do you say things like, “I’m just bad with money,” or “I always give up on things”? These statements are self-fulfilling. Start replacing them with empowering beliefs, such as, “I am learning to manage money wisely,” or “I follow through on what matters to me.”

4. Surround Yourself with Evidence

Your environment and the people around you reinforce your identity. If you are trying to see yourself as disciplined but are surrounded by people who encourage procrastination, your foundation will remain weak. Seek out books, mentors, and communities that reflect the identity you are cultivating.

5. Stack Small Wins

Each time you take an action aligned with your new identity, you strengthen it. Even small wins count. If you see yourself as a healthy eater and choose a nourishing meal instead of junk food, you have reinforced that identity. Over time, these choices solidify into unshakable self-belief.

The House You Build Will Stand or Fall Based on Its Foundation

We often think habits are about willpower, but they are truly about identity. Your habits reflect the ground they are built upon. A shaky foundation of self-doubt leads to habits that collapse under pressure. A strong foundation of self-worth leads to habits that sustain you for life.

You are not just building habits—you are building yourself. And every brick you lay, every choice you make, is another step toward the person you are becoming.

So, ask yourself: What kind of foundation am I building upon? And if it’s not solid, what can I do today to strengthen it?

Because you are one healing habit away from the life you deserve.