I’ve been realizing - and outing my shadow by writing about it on Substack - how I can turn any healthy habit into a toxic one exactly the way you described. Outside expectation plus my own fears of not being enough can be deadly. And I love the affirmations you offered here, so beautiful
Just found you about a week ago. Am so very grateful for your wisdom, your humor, and your ability to be just so down to earth. I’ve learned so much from you. Never stop your writing, and never wonder if you’re reaching anyone. You are. ❤️
Hello Dr MARBAS. Today’s message was an extremely difficult one. Three years ago I had problems with my one toe. Went to the doctor over and over. I sat in the ER weekend after weekend eight hours at a time to try and get help to for the problem that was now my whole foot. Five months of this later I was able to see a surgeon as the problem had escalated. My leg was amputated in such a way that I could have a prosthetic. I remained positive and healed very well. My follow up appointment I was told that I could not have a prosthetic because I was old and not steady enough on my other leg. It was not safe for me to walk again. I am really stuck now, in all kinds of ways. This is why this article you wrote was so difficult for me. I remain positive every day. I eat a whole food plant based diet. I try to move a bit. What I think I’m getting at is there are different ways and degrees of being stuck. Physical. Emotional. Mental. Could you address these please. I have not told my story anywhere before so I apologize for the long comment.
Thank you for sharing this. You don’t need to apologize, what you wrote is important, and I’m honored you chose to share it here. You're absolutely right: there are many kinds of stuckness. Physical limitations are real, and so are the emotional and mental weights they carry. Sometimes healing isn’t about regaining what we lost, but about redefining what strength, movement, and agency look like now.
You’re already doing the hard work: nourishing your body, staying open, showing up with honesty. That is healing. I’ll absolutely write more about the different layers of stuckness and how to work through them. You’re not alone, and your story matters.
You are the first person to use the word “stuckness” and describe my brain and life so accurately. You are also the first person to gently tease out the “why”. Little by little the pieces are making sense, and I am having hope again. Thank you for unraveling all of this so I may stop being so abusive to my self when I fail.
Lorna, thank you, that means a lot. “Stuckness” is such a real state, and naming it with honesty (instead of shame) is often the first way through. I’m so glad the pieces are starting to make sense. That’s the work, unlearning the old patterns of self-blame and making room for something kinder. You’re doing it. Keep going.
"I repaired gently after disruptions, instead of punishing myself.""
Yes! Every time that I have an injury (and I have had a few!), once I get through the initial frustration, it has led me to discover a new activity. Swimming, certain gym classes, running, martial arts, etc. Remembering that there are always options (that I may resist initially) is helpful. There are more activities out there than I can ever hope to try! I hope I don't need more injuries to encourage me to do so! :)
Yes, this is such a great mindset shift. Injuries are frustrating, but they can also open doors we never would’ve looked for otherwise. I love that you’ve turned each setback into an invitation to explore. And you’re right, there are so many options. Let’s hope the next round of discovery doesn’t require another injury to get there!
I spent 3 years on a very restricted diet. I managed my weight but became so obsessed with food that I was simply not happy. The program advocated perfection forever which at first felt empowering but then became unhealthy self shaming. When I quit the diet I went back to all of my old eating habits and quickly regained the weight. I am trying to move toward healthier eating slowly because my brain rebels if it feels restricted. But I also know that if I have to do the mental work of understanding what leads to the unhealthy eating habits. Being kind to ourselves is sometimes the hardest thing to do.
Thank you for sharing this, Dee. What you described is so common, and so rarely talked about. Perfection-based programs often start with hope but end in burnout and self-blame. The fact that you’re choosing a slower, more mindful path now is powerful. Real change isn’t just about the food, it’s about rebuilding trust with yourself. And yes, being kind to ourselves is hard... but it’s also the foundation that makes everything else sustainable.
I remember being so surprised weeks after major surgery that I was so tired and sleeping so much. My then-therapist told me that while you are sleeping the body is healing itself. It needs energy to heal. You can't return to an energetic life and heal at the same time. Once I realised the tiredness and rest were part of the healing process I was able to be much more patient with myself. I have recovered well now from several joint replacement surgeries and each time I slept a lot during recovery. I also discovered that true, deep and lasting healing continues for not only months but even years after the surgery. That was quite a surprise as everyone wants to tell you how quickly it happens! Thank you for these reminders of how important it is to be patient with yourself when things are not going well in full swing!
Thank you for sharing this, Sylvia. That line—you can't return to an energetic life and heal at the same time—is so true, and so often overlooked. Healing demands more than rest, it demands patience, and a willingness to slow down without guilt. I’m glad you had that insight early. It’s one so many of us need to hear, especially in the seasons when everything feels slower than we’d like.
I really needed to read this today. Thank you
I am so glad it was here to help you.
I’ve been realizing - and outing my shadow by writing about it on Substack - how I can turn any healthy habit into a toxic one exactly the way you described. Outside expectation plus my own fears of not being enough can be deadly. And I love the affirmations you offered here, so beautiful
Thank you, Rachael. It is something I face daily!
Just found you about a week ago. Am so very grateful for your wisdom, your humor, and your ability to be just so down to earth. I’ve learned so much from you. Never stop your writing, and never wonder if you’re reaching anyone. You are. ❤️
Thank you, Pam! Those words are so kind and truly warm my heart. I appreciate you being here.
🫂🤍🪽
:)
Hello Dr MARBAS. Today’s message was an extremely difficult one. Three years ago I had problems with my one toe. Went to the doctor over and over. I sat in the ER weekend after weekend eight hours at a time to try and get help to for the problem that was now my whole foot. Five months of this later I was able to see a surgeon as the problem had escalated. My leg was amputated in such a way that I could have a prosthetic. I remained positive and healed very well. My follow up appointment I was told that I could not have a prosthetic because I was old and not steady enough on my other leg. It was not safe for me to walk again. I am really stuck now, in all kinds of ways. This is why this article you wrote was so difficult for me. I remain positive every day. I eat a whole food plant based diet. I try to move a bit. What I think I’m getting at is there are different ways and degrees of being stuck. Physical. Emotional. Mental. Could you address these please. I have not told my story anywhere before so I apologize for the long comment.
Thank you for sharing this. You don’t need to apologize, what you wrote is important, and I’m honored you chose to share it here. You're absolutely right: there are many kinds of stuckness. Physical limitations are real, and so are the emotional and mental weights they carry. Sometimes healing isn’t about regaining what we lost, but about redefining what strength, movement, and agency look like now.
You’re already doing the hard work: nourishing your body, staying open, showing up with honesty. That is healing. I’ll absolutely write more about the different layers of stuckness and how to work through them. You’re not alone, and your story matters.
You are the first person to use the word “stuckness” and describe my brain and life so accurately. You are also the first person to gently tease out the “why”. Little by little the pieces are making sense, and I am having hope again. Thank you for unraveling all of this so I may stop being so abusive to my self when I fail.
Lorna, thank you, that means a lot. “Stuckness” is such a real state, and naming it with honesty (instead of shame) is often the first way through. I’m so glad the pieces are starting to make sense. That’s the work, unlearning the old patterns of self-blame and making room for something kinder. You’re doing it. Keep going.
"Success is:
"I kept showing up, even imperfectly."
"I practiced flexibility, not just discipline."
"I repaired gently after disruptions, instead of punishing myself.""
Yes! Every time that I have an injury (and I have had a few!), once I get through the initial frustration, it has led me to discover a new activity. Swimming, certain gym classes, running, martial arts, etc. Remembering that there are always options (that I may resist initially) is helpful. There are more activities out there than I can ever hope to try! I hope I don't need more injuries to encourage me to do so! :)
Yes, this is such a great mindset shift. Injuries are frustrating, but they can also open doors we never would’ve looked for otherwise. I love that you’ve turned each setback into an invitation to explore. And you’re right, there are so many options. Let’s hope the next round of discovery doesn’t require another injury to get there!
I spent 3 years on a very restricted diet. I managed my weight but became so obsessed with food that I was simply not happy. The program advocated perfection forever which at first felt empowering but then became unhealthy self shaming. When I quit the diet I went back to all of my old eating habits and quickly regained the weight. I am trying to move toward healthier eating slowly because my brain rebels if it feels restricted. But I also know that if I have to do the mental work of understanding what leads to the unhealthy eating habits. Being kind to ourselves is sometimes the hardest thing to do.
Thank you for sharing this, Dee. What you described is so common, and so rarely talked about. Perfection-based programs often start with hope but end in burnout and self-blame. The fact that you’re choosing a slower, more mindful path now is powerful. Real change isn’t just about the food, it’s about rebuilding trust with yourself. And yes, being kind to ourselves is hard... but it’s also the foundation that makes everything else sustainable.
Excellent article. Was just telling this same thing to a friend the other day. Wise words.
Thank you, glad it resonated. Sometimes just naming what we’re going through helps make it feel a little less isolating. Appreciate you passing it on.
I remember being so surprised weeks after major surgery that I was so tired and sleeping so much. My then-therapist told me that while you are sleeping the body is healing itself. It needs energy to heal. You can't return to an energetic life and heal at the same time. Once I realised the tiredness and rest were part of the healing process I was able to be much more patient with myself. I have recovered well now from several joint replacement surgeries and each time I slept a lot during recovery. I also discovered that true, deep and lasting healing continues for not only months but even years after the surgery. That was quite a surprise as everyone wants to tell you how quickly it happens! Thank you for these reminders of how important it is to be patient with yourself when things are not going well in full swing!
Absolutely agree 💯 I’ve had multiple surgeries and the lack of energy was off the scale
Thank you for sharing this, Sylvia. That line—you can't return to an energetic life and heal at the same time—is so true, and so often overlooked. Healing demands more than rest, it demands patience, and a willingness to slow down without guilt. I’m glad you had that insight early. It’s one so many of us need to hear, especially in the seasons when everything feels slower than we’d like.