"I must be productive to feel worthy." This is me. I rarely quit things and am usually working four or five projects. My mother kept a clean house. As her daughter, I learned to constantly move - cooking, cleaning, laundry, work. I have a hard time now resting. Even when I'm sitting, I'm reading a book I think needs to be read or one that I plan to write about.
As an example, I am working through my Substack for today while I have just set out ingredients to try a new bread recipe. I am also involved in three text message threads trying to plan a family event, and I am doing laundry.
I had planned to go outside today for five minutes as one of my new habits, but that has not happened!
Ah, yes...I deeply understand what you are explaining. My husband says that I need to work on my ability to master the art of "the hang," how to hang out without the need to be productive. It is VERY HARD for me.
I was born in 1946. My father was born in 1897. He rarely spoke or smiled or seemed like he was happy. Never told me he loved me. He worked hard and we had the basic necessities of life. I dealt with those same traits for much of my life and have done all I can to be different. Some success! When I think of all he dealt with before I was born - two world wars and the great depression - I often wonder how he survived. Unfortunately, he didn't speak so I'll never understand.
Wow! That is an incredible story. One can only imagine what they went through. My great-grandparents were born in 1902, one died when I was 18 and the other when I was 26. They only had an 8th grade education. I was fortunate to be able to interview them for a creative writing class I had in high school. I wrote about their love story, how they got to Eastern New Mexico, traveling across Texas in covered wagons, heard stories about losing their first two twin daughters who were born early, and so much more. Our history is rich but it does carry legacy traits that I can see in myself that I also passed on to my 3 children unaware. Some were good, some not so good. So, we talk about it...I try to help them see they have their own generational habits and traits. It makes for stimulating and sometimes emotional conversations. Thank you for sharing your story. I am certain it will resonate with many.
Thanks. Happy you were able to do that interview. Great memories. In my high school days, I was deeply entrenched in my father's habit of silence and would have never thought of doing an interview.
What makes you so darn habit forming is your writing, sense of humor, and courage to take two things that don't seem to go together, but when you combine them, it's magic. For example, the biggest hit for The Eagles is Hotel California. It is the ONLY song they ever wrote that combines a calypso beat with rock and roll. Never done before and it worked! Generations and their habits--fantastic! What habit did I get from my father, you ask? He walked, everywhere, all of the time. Visit dad at the office downtown and we would walk to the appointment at the other end of town, not take a cab. He ate three meals a day and never snacked. He was tall, lean, and healthy until he just stopped suddenly at 90.
Both he and my mother. Both went 100 mph, flat out, and then Just Stopped at 90. He celebrated his 90th birthday, and within the week, he was dead. She celebrated her 90th birthday, and within the week, she was dead. Both of them--born and died in January. They stuck together on EVERYTHING.
Amazing, right? Oh, they loved dancing, and they were really good. When those two got on the floor, everyone stepped away and watched. Like Fred and Ginger.
Thanks for the read! Generational habits are a sneaky kind of inheritance, and sometimes pointing them out with humor hits harder than a pile of studies. Glad it landed.
Looking forward to seeing whether I am intersectional. Or cross-generational. Or something!
But the underlying point is well taken. We fall in love with what soothes. Routine is wonderful for that. Snooze alarm, coffee, shower, dress, out the door.
But when it is disrupted? What virtues have we squirreled away in the pantry within?
Best to know them, and to know on what shelf they can be found.
I think this kind of generalization and compartalization is unhelpful. We are all people trying to live our best life. Circumstances have changed considerably over the years and this has not been given enough thought. Nor does it give credit to the people who led the change into the next era. My grandmother was a farm housewife with thirteen children during the Thirties. They ate dinner with a sheet over their heads to keep the food dirt free during the frequent dust storms, They made new clothing from bits of worn out clothing. Some how survived, my grandfather bought a Model T and they drove it instead of horses. "They" because he taught her how to drive -- even through the neighbors mocked and shunned him for letting the "little lady run the family". Then she became one of the first extension agents and drove all over the state teaching other women not only how to prevent disease and other life changing ideas. The glib slicing of generations into clearly defined categories is a disservice to all of us. We all adapt to our times and circumstances.
Thank you for sharing this powerful story, your grandmother’s life is an incredible example of resilience, ingenuity, and courage. I completely agree: every generation holds complexity, and we all adapt in response to the world around us. My goal with this piece wasn’t to stereotype but to invite curiosity. So many of our daily habits, how we eat, work, rest, and even relate to one another, are shaped by generational patterns we don’t always recognize. My hope is that by naming them, we can better understand ourselves and decide what we want to carry forward. Those decisions have weight and carry consequences.
So interesting. I see myself, husband, kids, in these descriptions. When I was a consultant I used to ask people - why do you do this and why this way? 9 times out of 10 the answer was - because we’ve always done it this way.
"I must be productive to feel worthy." This is me. I rarely quit things and am usually working four or five projects. My mother kept a clean house. As her daughter, I learned to constantly move - cooking, cleaning, laundry, work. I have a hard time now resting. Even when I'm sitting, I'm reading a book I think needs to be read or one that I plan to write about.
As an example, I am working through my Substack for today while I have just set out ingredients to try a new bread recipe. I am also involved in three text message threads trying to plan a family event, and I am doing laundry.
I had planned to go outside today for five minutes as one of my new habits, but that has not happened!
Ah, yes...I deeply understand what you are explaining. My husband says that I need to work on my ability to master the art of "the hang," how to hang out without the need to be productive. It is VERY HARD for me.
Same, same. Sigh.
I was born in 1946. My father was born in 1897. He rarely spoke or smiled or seemed like he was happy. Never told me he loved me. He worked hard and we had the basic necessities of life. I dealt with those same traits for much of my life and have done all I can to be different. Some success! When I think of all he dealt with before I was born - two world wars and the great depression - I often wonder how he survived. Unfortunately, he didn't speak so I'll never understand.
Wow! That is an incredible story. One can only imagine what they went through. My great-grandparents were born in 1902, one died when I was 18 and the other when I was 26. They only had an 8th grade education. I was fortunate to be able to interview them for a creative writing class I had in high school. I wrote about their love story, how they got to Eastern New Mexico, traveling across Texas in covered wagons, heard stories about losing their first two twin daughters who were born early, and so much more. Our history is rich but it does carry legacy traits that I can see in myself that I also passed on to my 3 children unaware. Some were good, some not so good. So, we talk about it...I try to help them see they have their own generational habits and traits. It makes for stimulating and sometimes emotional conversations. Thank you for sharing your story. I am certain it will resonate with many.
Thanks. Happy you were able to do that interview. Great memories. In my high school days, I was deeply entrenched in my father's habit of silence and would have never thought of doing an interview.
It was only because I had an assignment and lived near them. Otherwise, it would probably been about puppies and unicorns.
What makes you so darn habit forming is your writing, sense of humor, and courage to take two things that don't seem to go together, but when you combine them, it's magic. For example, the biggest hit for The Eagles is Hotel California. It is the ONLY song they ever wrote that combines a calypso beat with rock and roll. Never done before and it worked! Generations and their habits--fantastic! What habit did I get from my father, you ask? He walked, everywhere, all of the time. Visit dad at the office downtown and we would walk to the appointment at the other end of town, not take a cab. He ate three meals a day and never snacked. He was tall, lean, and healthy until he just stopped suddenly at 90.
Wow, Georgia! Want a wonderful legacy from your father. No wonder he lived to be 90!
Both he and my mother. Both went 100 mph, flat out, and then Just Stopped at 90. He celebrated his 90th birthday, and within the week, he was dead. She celebrated her 90th birthday, and within the week, she was dead. Both of them--born and died in January. They stuck together on EVERYTHING.
No kidding!
Amazing, right? Oh, they loved dancing, and they were really good. When those two got on the floor, everyone stepped away and watched. Like Fred and Ginger.
If chaos and conflagration has got you down, retreat to self-help!
Seriously: this is very well done and much, much more profitable than you might expect, even if there is no sourcing, which is vestigial anyway.
Thanks for the read! Generational habits are a sneaky kind of inheritance, and sometimes pointing them out with humor hits harder than a pile of studies. Glad it landed.
Looking forward to seeing whether I am intersectional. Or cross-generational. Or something!
But the underlying point is well taken. We fall in love with what soothes. Routine is wonderful for that. Snooze alarm, coffee, shower, dress, out the door.
But when it is disrupted? What virtues have we squirreled away in the pantry within?
Best to know them, and to know on what shelf they can be found.
I think this kind of generalization and compartalization is unhelpful. We are all people trying to live our best life. Circumstances have changed considerably over the years and this has not been given enough thought. Nor does it give credit to the people who led the change into the next era. My grandmother was a farm housewife with thirteen children during the Thirties. They ate dinner with a sheet over their heads to keep the food dirt free during the frequent dust storms, They made new clothing from bits of worn out clothing. Some how survived, my grandfather bought a Model T and they drove it instead of horses. "They" because he taught her how to drive -- even through the neighbors mocked and shunned him for letting the "little lady run the family". Then she became one of the first extension agents and drove all over the state teaching other women not only how to prevent disease and other life changing ideas. The glib slicing of generations into clearly defined categories is a disservice to all of us. We all adapt to our times and circumstances.
Thank you for sharing this powerful story, your grandmother’s life is an incredible example of resilience, ingenuity, and courage. I completely agree: every generation holds complexity, and we all adapt in response to the world around us. My goal with this piece wasn’t to stereotype but to invite curiosity. So many of our daily habits, how we eat, work, rest, and even relate to one another, are shaped by generational patterns we don’t always recognize. My hope is that by naming them, we can better understand ourselves and decide what we want to carry forward. Those decisions have weight and carry consequences.
So interesting. I see myself, husband, kids, in these descriptions. When I was a consultant I used to ask people - why do you do this and why this way? 9 times out of 10 the answer was - because we’ve always done it this way.
Yep!
yes lately, Jim has been yelling at me 'because you're old!!That's why!' and I really didn't think that was the answer (in October turning 68)
Oh no!
Love this! It quite simply explains the differences in generations, no judgements, just the differences. Thank you
You are welcome!