Why Your Habits Must Match the Life You Want, Not the One You’re Leaving Behind
The Man Who Kept Going Home
There was once a man who had always dreamed of moving to a beautiful new home—a place full of light, fresh air, and space to grow.
After years of hard work, he finally did it. He packed his bags, signed the papers, and stepped into his new home. But something strange happened.
Each morning, out of habit, he got into his car and drove back to his old house. He sat in the empty living room, surrounded by dust and echoes, as if his life hadn’t changed.
He didn’t live there anymore. But he kept acting like he did.
One day, a neighbor saw him sitting on the front steps of the abandoned house and asked, “Why do you keep coming back here?”
The man looked around, confused. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s just what I’ve always done.”
The neighbor smiled and said, “You have a new home now. It’s time to stop living in this one.”
Are You Still Living in the Past Version of Yourself?
Most people don’t realize they’re doing exactly what this man did.
They say they want a new life—a healthier body, a clearer mind, a fresh start—but every day, they return to the habits of their past.
They wake up and automatically follow the routines of the old version of themselves, even though they’re trying to become someone different.
They live in a new reality, but their habits are still tied to the old address.
This is why change feels impossible. You can’t build a new life while following the blueprint of your past.
Why We Keep Returning to the Past
1. Comfort and Familiarity
The old house may not have been perfect, but it was familiar. The same goes for old habits. Even when we know they’re not serving us, they feel safe because we’ve done them for so long.
If you’ve always used food for comfort, it’s easy to keep that habit—even if it no longer aligns with your goals.
If you’ve always relied on excuses to skip workouts, that pattern feels more natural than showing up for yourself.
But familiar doesn’t mean right—and it definitely doesn’t mean you have to stay there.
2. Unconscious Patterning
Much of what we do isn’t a conscious choice—it’s an automatic response. Research suggests that up to 45% of our daily actions are habits performed without thinking.
That means unless you actively choose to behave differently, your brain will default to what it’s always done.
If you’ve always poured a glass of wine after a stressful day, your brain will tell you to do it again.
If you’ve always skipped breakfast, you won’t even feel hungry in the morning.
Your brain isn’t resisting change—it’s just following its programming. It’s up to you to rewrite the script.
3. Identity Clashes
Every habit is a vote for the type of person you believe yourself to be.
If you believe you’re “just not a morning person,” waking up early will feel unnatural.
If you believe you’re “bad at sticking to things,” you’ll keep quitting before you see results.
Your subconscious will fight against habits that don’t align with how you see yourself. This is why identity change must come first.
Instead of saying, “I’m trying to eat healthy,” say:
“I am someone who nourishes my body.”
Instead of, “I’m trying to exercise more,” say:
“I am an active person.”
You can’t act like your future self if you’re still identifying with your past.
Your Habits Are Your Address
Your habits determine where you live—not physically, but mentally, emotionally, and physically.
If you’re still skipping workouts, you live at the address of exhaustion.
If you’re still stress-eating, you live at the address of frustration.
If you’re still starting and stopping, waiting for motivation, you live at the address of inconsistency.
But the good news? You can move.
How to Stop Returning to the Old House and Build the Right Habits
1. Recognize the “Old House” Habits
Think about the life you’re trying to leave behind.
What habits kept you stuck there?
What daily actions reinforced that identity?
Write them down. These are the habits that keep pulling you back to your old address.
Then, ask yourself: Am I still doing these? If so, it’s time to let them go.
2. Identify the “New House” Habits
Now, picture your future self—the version of you who has already made the transformation you desire.
What do they do daily?
What habits are second nature to them?
This is your new address. These are the habits that belong in your new life.
Write down 3-5 daily habits that this version of you follows without hesitation. These are your new house habits.
3. Stop Visiting the Old House
This is the hard part: You have to stop going back.
Every time you engage in an old habit, ask yourself:
Is this me moving forward or moving backward?
If it’s moving backward, stop. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Even if it feels strange.
Your brain will try to pull you back into the old way of doing things. It will tell you:
“Just this once.”
“It won’t matter.”
“This is easier.”
This is the moment you remind yourself: I don’t live there anymore.
The more you act like your future self, the faster your new habits become automatic.
4. Use Habit Stacking to Make Change Easier
One of the best ways to cement new habits is to attach them to habits you already do.
After I brush my teeth, I will drink a glass of water.
After I pour my coffee, I will take three deep breaths.
After I put on my shoes, I will walk for 5 minutes.
When habits become linked, they feel automatic. This makes it much easier to stay in your new house instead of drifting back to the old one.
Your Challenge: Move In to Your New Life
The man in the story? He finally understood. The next morning, when he got in his car, he drove home—to his real home.
Today, you have the same choice.
What’s one habit—one action—that belongs in your new life?
Do it today. Even if it’s small. Even if it feels unnatural.
Because transformation isn’t about waiting. It’s about moving in.
You are one healing habit away.
Final Thought
If you’re tired of feeling stuck, if you’re frustrated with making progress only to slide back into old patterns, this is your moment.
The future you desire isn’t built on the habits of your past.
So today, take one step.
Not toward where you’ve been.
But toward where you truly want to go.
I really like the metaphor of residing in a new house instead of returning to the old house. I'm going to remember this one!
Wonderful and very helpful article. Thank you doctor.